Paramount owns, but I play with the characters.




Janeway stood in front of her mirror, dressing for duty. The uniform was fitting her, as all Starfleet uniforms do, perfectly, but her hair was refusing to cooperate this morning. As she tried for the third time to create the French twist she was famous for wearing and it failed, she cursed out loud; she never cursed. It was going to be one rotten day, just like the rest of the week had been. Not that anything in particular had taken place that week, but an atmosphere of bad moods was creeping up on her and had been for about the last two weeks. She had tried taking a little more time to go to the Holodeck and relax, exercising in the gym to relieve some tension, she had even tried exhausting herself by crawling around in the Jeffries tubes followed by a bath and a large bowl of coffee ice cream, but nothing had helped, and she was beginning to let her frustrations show on the Bridge. She had a vague suspicion of what the problem might be; that she was beginning to miss having a man around when she was off duty instead of her empty quarters. But she was a victim of circumstances and there was nothing to do about that, she was the captain, after all. And even though her body was sending her signals confirming that this problem needed tending, her flushed skin, her swollen breasts, waking in the middle of the night after intense erotic dreams, her nightgown drenched in sweat, she ignored them, believing that it would go away eventually.

After a forth try at the hair and an awful lot of self discipline to stop her from throwing things or collapsing on the floor, crying, she decided to comb it back and put it in a pony tail. Then she braced herself for the day to come and proceeded toward the Bridge.

She entered the Bridge and took a moment to observe who was there: Tuvok was at Tactical, looking very serious as usual, running a diagnostic on the phaser array. Paris sat at the conn telling Kim and Chakotay about a conversation he had had with B’Elanna the evening before, which had ended in yet another bet, which Paris yet again had won. Chakotay and Kim were laughing and so were the two other crewmen on duty, Nicoletti and Genaro. The atmosphere up here was much better and Janeway wished she could be part of it. She sat in her chair and got an extra look from Chakotay, when he saw her hair.

-”Some mornings the hair just has a mind of its own”, she said, trying to smile, but not succeeding very well. He just laughed back.

-”Anything to report, Commander?” she asked, snapping into command mode.

-”Nope, we passed a normal nebula for once and the coordinates are entered in the computer. Other than that nothing Captain,” Chakotay said with his usual enthusiasm. She nodded her approval, and Paris picked up the conversation again, nothing much else to do on a slow day. The people around her were in a very good mood today and that only helped to make her mood worse, and she was certain she could feel the heat from Chakotay’s body all the way over where she was sitting and it was slowly driving her crazy. She could feel her cheeks flushing with heat, and when Chakotay let out a loud laughter she couldn’t stand anymore. She composed herself as best she could, retreated to her Ready Room, without a sound and sat on the couch, a few tears of frustration escaping her eyes.

The Bridge had fallen silent at her exit and the conversation did not resume. The Captain usually joined the conversations, but today she hadn’t said anything and now that Paris thought more about it, she hadn’t said much whole last week, and it was actually affecting the mood on the Bridge. Paris decided it was time to act.

-”Commander, permission to speak freely”, he began. Chakotay looked puzzled, but agreed.

-”With all due respect, Commander, she’s been moody and cross the last week, shouldn’t someone do something soon?” Chakotay looked at him for a moment.

-”I’ve noticed it, too, Paris, and I guess it’s time I approached the subject.” He got up and then added “The worst she can do is throw me out, right?” Paris grinned at that, wished him good luck, and Chakotay left the Bridge in Tuvok’s capable hands.

When the chime sounded she quickly wiped her face and grapped the first padd on the coffee table before saying “ Come in” and Chakotay stepped in. He stood for a moment, just looking at her, then he approached and sat on the couch next to her.

-”I wondered if I could talk to you for a moment, Captain?” he began.

-”Of course, Commander”, she answered, although she didn’t feel much like talking.

-”Some of us are a bit concerned about you, Captain. You’ve been.....Well, you’ve not been yourself lately, You’ve been silent, snapping at people, and frankly it’s affecting the people around you.” He had put a hand on her knee to comfort her, and her skin burned where he touched her, and she had to strangle a gasp before it formed. She had to get away from his proximity. She got up and staggered a bit before grapping hold of the railing in front of her.

-”Captain, what’s wrong?” Chakotay asked with concern.

-”I’m fine!” she snapped. He walked closer to her and looked thoroughly at her.

-”You’re not fine, you’re all flushed and warm, and your Padd is upside down”, he said while touching her cheek and forehead, “you’re going to Sickbay!” he stated.

-”I’m not going anywhere, Commander!”, she protested, putting the Padd on the coffee table, her anger rising.

-”If you don’t go voluntarily, I will make it an order, Captain”, he persisted. Not seeing any other way out she agreed, but she was practically fuming. Chakotay followed all the way down to Sickbay, making sure that she got there and left her alone with the Doctor.

The Doctor ran his tricorder over her, while she explained to him, about the mood swings, snapping at people, feeling urges to cry for no reason, her lacking ability to relax or sleep through the night. Finishing his analysis on the computer console he returned.

-”Your hormone level is very high, Captain, when did you last have sex.”

-”Excuse me, Doctor?” she said with a lot of surprise. He shrugged and looked to the ceiling, before answering.

-”I am your doctor, anything you say is confidential, and I am asking about a biological function, so please, when did you last have sex?” She hesitated for a moment.

-Not since I left Earth for Deep Space 9 and our mission to the Badlands,” she answered quickly, her cheeks turning a slightly pink color.

-”I see, and when did you last get some sexual relief”, he asked clinically

-”I just told you, Doctor”, Janeway answered rather annoyed.

-”There are other ways of relieving sexual tension than finding a partner, Captain, most people take care of it themselves. Haven’t you been doing that?” She looked at him, mildly puzzled, then with comprehension and last embarrassment before answering.

-”No...not really. I mean I tried some time after we got stranded here, but then I would see Mark’s face and all I could do was roll over and cry until I fell asleep, so I gave up on it pretty quickly”, she explained. The Doctor nodded with a charateristic “hmm”.

-” As I see it ,Captain, you have two choices: Finding a partner on the ship...” That simple statement flooded her mind with images from her dreams, namely her arms and legs wrapped tightly around Chakotay’s naked body, his warm soft lips moving possessively over hers, moaning her name...”or taking care of it yourself”, the Doctor finished the statement and brought her back to reality. “Either way”, he continued, ”you will take care of it, preferably today. You are hereby relieved of duty for the remainder of the day, and you are to report here again in four days.” The Doctor dismissed her, and she wandered slowly through the corridors toward her quarters, lost in thought. She considered for the gods know how many times, if she should go to Chakotay and confess her feelings. She almost knew what his reaction would be, he would embrace her and tell her that he loved her. She thought back to the night on New Earth where he told her the angry warrior story and how she had almost surrendered to her feelings and how close she came the weeks following until Voyager showed up again. But after they were on board again she tucked her feelings away as best she could, but she knew it would only be a matter of time before she couldn’t hide them any more.

She went inside her quarters and began to take off the uniform, and then putting on an exercise outfit. Then she called the Bridge.

-”Janeway to Bridge”

-”Chakotay here, Captain, what did the Doctor say?”

-”I am off duty for the rest of the day, Commander”, she said.

-”Is it that serious”, he asked with concern.

-”Nothing life threatening, Commander, just...” *What*, she thought *loneliness, lack of sexual relief, a heartache only he could fix* “...stress”, she finished the sentence. “I assume you can handle the rest of the day alone?”

-”Don’t worry, Captain, you just enjoy your day off, Chakotay out”. She could almost imagine his smile and that brought a small one to her lips as well. She braided her hair tightly and made her way down to the gym. She stayed there, wearing herself out until lunch time. Then she went to the Mess Hall for some of Neelix’ food; she saved her replicator rations for later. She sat at a table alone, not thinking about anything in particular, when she saw Chakotay walk in the door, and her pulse rate shot up immediately. She quickly looked down, trying to slow her breathing, knowing if she didn’t take care of this problem of hers then in a couple of days she wouldn’t be able to sit next to him on the Bridge. He joined her, of course, and she had to cross one arm over the table in an attempt to hide her erect nibbles that pushed against the tight fabric of her exercise outfit. Luckily he didn’t stay long; there was much for him to do, while she was resting. She let out a breath when he left; she really needed to relax, she was strung up too tight. The Holodeck was next. She recreated a luxurious house by the beach with a pool overlooking the ocean, where she could lie in the sun all alone, just relaxing, but first a swim would do good. She engaged the privacy lock and proceeded to shed her exercise outfit. She slipped naked into the water closing her eyes in response. She swam some lengths before getting up to dry in the sun. The better part of her afternoon was spent like this and she actually managed to sleep some.

After a quick change of clothes she found herself in the Mess Hall again for an early dinner, but she definitely wasn’t in the mood for Neelix’s food and she had saved some replicator rations so that she could have some real food for a change. Luckily for Kathryn’s control, Kes was the one to join her this time, and when Chakotay arrived he let them talk in peace, but he was determined to see her later and find out what the Doctor said; she hadn’t been very communicative during lunch.

Kathryn said goodbye to Kes and began to make her way towards her quarters. She was beginning to look forward to the rest of her evening and by now she was convinced that Mark’s face would not be the one she would see tonight.

She ran herself a hot bath and filled it with sweet smelling bubble bath and slipped her naked body into the hot water. A slow moan of satisfaction escaped her lips as she relaxed in the water. Silence filled the room, so she decided she needed some music.

-”Computer, play Janeway program Enigma 2”, she requested and the soft sounds of Enigma filled her quarters. After the first two songs she got up, dried herself and slipped on her pink satin rope. It felt different with nothing underneath, but it seemed to fit for tonight’s purpose. She walked over to the replicator and ordered a large banana split with extra whipped cream and chocolate fudge. She then propped down on the couch with her feet on the table and proceeded to eat it.

A little atmosphere was needed, she decided and began to put candles everywhere in the bedroom lighting them as she went along. She then pulled out a box from her closet. She had received this silken bedding from a diplomat on a planet some time ago, but hadn’t used it yet. She admitted to herself that she felt guilty about using it when everyone else had to be content with standard Starfleet issue sheets, but tonight the standard wouldn’t do. She spread the sheets over the bed, and in the light from the candles her bedroom was suddenly unrecognizable. The music still floated through her quarters, as she took her rope off and climbed onto the bed, enjoying the feel of silk against her naked skin. Her hair was spread all over the pillows, as she began moving a hand down, over one breast, her stomach, her abdomen, down one thigh, before moving back over the other breast up to her neck. She let her fantasy flow and imagined that her hand was Chakotay’s, and as she touched the sensitive spot behind her ear, she imagined his lips there. The thoughts sent ripples through her whole body, and her now awakened sex was craving attention. She slipped a hand between her legs, feeling how aroused she had become, reacquainting herself with her body’s responses and let out a deep sigh. This was just what she needed. She began moving her hand in small circles, probing deeper, then back to circling again. She began moving her hips in rhythm with her hand, the warmth from the candles and the music helped stimulate her, as she whispered Chakotay’s name, and she was so caught up in her actions that she didn’t hear the door chime that rang twice. Only when a voice broke through the music did she react.

-”Chakotay to Janeway”. She sat upright in bed looking around her, until she remembered her commbagde on the table next to her.

-”Yes, Commander”, she said before she had gotten her breath under control.

-”Are you alright, I rang your chime twice and you didn’t answer”, he said concerned.

-”I’m fine Commander, I was just....preoccupied”, she said while pushing her hair out of her eyes.

-”..Um, Captain, could I come in for a minute?” he asked carefully. Kathryn had anticipated that and was on her way out of bed.

-”Just a moment, Chakotay”, she said as she pulled her rope on. She opened the door before she realized the state her quarters were in. The dessert bowl was still on the table, the seductive sounds of Enigma were still playing, the room smelled of her bubble bath and the candles illuminated both her bedroom and living room. Her hair was a mess and she was wearing nothing but a thin satin robe. Her body was aching with unfulfilled desire, and right there in front of her was the very object of that desire. He was still wearing his uniform and a very serious face.

-”I was worried about you, you didn’t tell me much about what the Doctor said and...” he noticed she wasn’t paying attention, “Captain are you all right?” She lifted her head and looked at him, and he noticed how flushed she was, how quick her breath was.

-”You still look sick, Kathryn, will you please tell me what the Doctor said,” he insisted.

-”Computer pause music”, she started. “ I told you, Chakotay it’s just stress, I’ll be fine”. He didn’t believe her for a moment.

-Kathryn....” he said like a parent, knowing his child was lying.

-”Please Chakotay, it’s embarrassing, I can’t”. She turned away from him to put some distance between them. He grapped her arm and swung her around to face him.

-”Please don’t turn away from me, Kathryn”. His rough gesture made her rope open a bit in front and exposed her naked leg. He suddenly became very aware of the fact that she was naked underneath the robe. He also noticed her labored breathing and that she trembled under his hands.

-”Chakotay, please let go”, she whispered. He let go, but didn’t move away.

-”Please tell me what is wrong”, he whispered pleadingly. She turned away again, but decided that the only way to get him out was to tell him the truth.

-”....The Doctor said that I needed to...release some hormones...that I need sexual relief”, she stammered out, her face flushed. He stood there for a moment, then eyed her bedroom with all the candles with understanding.

-”And I...interrupted you. I’m, sorry, I’ll leave now”, he said, retreating towards the door, very guilty about prying about something so private.

-”NO!” she said a little too quickly and a little to forcefully. She suddenly didn’t want him to leave.

-”It doesn’t matter, stay and talk with me...please?” To ease the mood she moved toward the replicator. “ I still have some rations left, can I get you anything?” He sat on the couch not really sure he should stay, but brushed the thought away.

-”Whatever you’re having”, he answered. She came back with two mugs of hot chocolate with whipped cream and handed him one, before sitting down.

-”This is usually very calming”, she said, while sipping the hot liquid very carefully. She got some whipped cream on her nose, and Chakotay reached out and brushed off with a finger, laughing. She laughed back, a wonderful sound in his ears.

-”It’s good to see you smile again, it’s been awhile”, he commented

-”I guess it helped to finally find out what was wrong....and to be able to tell it to someone, to admit it to myself”, she answered.

-”But you’re still strung out?”

-”Yes”, she admitted.

-”Then we should fix that. I have a great idea” He removed his boots, got up and moved toward her bedroom. She looked after him in shock.

What are you doing?” she asked frightened

-”I’m looking for your hair brush”, he said with a smile

-”My hair brush”, she said quite surprised.

-” Yes”, he said as he reemerged from the bedroom with the brush,” I feel like brushing your hair”, he simply said. “It will help to relax you. I used to brush my cousin’s hair when she was younger when she couldn’t sleep. After the first ten strokes she was out like a light” Kathryn laughed at that.

-”I bet she was. Did you tell her your “ancient legends” too?

He sat behind her, put his feet up under him and began pulling the brush through her long hair.

-”No, I reserve them especially for you”, he laughed back. After the first ten strokes Kathryn was far from sleepy, and she definitely wasn’t relaxed. He was too close; she could feel the heat from his body, and she felt like she had had three hyposprays of hormones. He noticed her body’s stiffness and began to massage her shoulders instead. Just as she was going to pull away he leaned in closer and whispered in her ear.

-”Why won’t you let me help you.....why won’t you let me love you..... I love you so much, Kathryn.” Her mind was screaming for her to leave, but she had no will power left, as she turned around to face him, a tear escaping her eye. It was finally time to admit to him what she had been denying for months. In a very low voice she whispered back.

-”I know....and I want you to love much as I love you”, she finally said, her hands cradling his face, her thumb brushing against his lips.

-”I want you so much right now, Chakotay, please make love to me”, she whispered, her lips millimeters from his. They finally met and reveled in this, their first kiss, gentle at first, but then more forcefully and passionate. Kathryn’s hands began to work ferociously on his uniform and managed to get the top down, so he could pull the turtleneck over his head, before they started to move toward the bedroom. When they reached the door Kathryn took her lips away from his and issued a whispered command to the computer.

-”Computer, resume music, half volume, track four.” The seductive sounds of Enigma once again floated through her quarters as they moved into the bedroom. Chakotay moved toward the bed, but Kathryn leaned against the wall and took him with her.

-”No, here”, she whispered as she moved her hands up and down his broad naked chest. His hands moved slowly to the ribbon holding her robe around her and untied it gently, revealing her naked body. Chakotay’s control was quickly slipping, but hers was gone. She unfastened his pants and they fell to the floor, where he kicked them off. His boxers followed and they were completely naked in front of each other. Kathryn was breathing quickly and audibly, but managed to voice her request

-”Please, Chakotay. I need you so much. Please, take me...hard!”

His hand traveled in a rapid movement to her thighs, and he put his hand between them. She was so ready for him. Without any further persuasion, requests or foreplay he lifted her off the floor, onto his hips and thrust into her willing body. She moaned through clenched teeth from the intense contact, and his lips connected with the skin on her neck as her arms went around him to grasp his shoulders. She had laid all the groundwork herself and was just on the edge, but she didn’t want to leave him behind, so she fought her release. Chakotay sensed her struggle and whispered in her ear.

-”Don’t hold back, Kathryn, let go”.

His words sent her over immediately, her legs tightening around his back, her nails scratching his back as she screamed in ecstasy. Tears of gratitude coursed down her cheeks as she whispered her love to him. While she caught her breath Chakotay carried her to the bed without separating their bodies. He lay down on his back, making Kathryn straddle his body. She bent over and kissed him, really tasting him this time. She let her lips and tongue trace his tattoo, then his jawbone, before she reached his right nibble. His fingers twisted in her hair and she began to moved on top of him. She sat up and watched the pleasure cross his features. This time, she decided, would be for him. She clenched and unclenched her muscles, squeezing his sensitive member. He groaned with abandon, and reached for the head of the bed to hold on to something. Kathryn were bracing her hands on his sweaty chest, moving with increasing speed. Chakotay looked up at her, her eyes closed in pleasure and concentration. He let go of the bed and moved one hand to the sensitive bundle of nerves between her legs, where they were joined, and rubbed gently. Kathryn lost her concentration and moaned, close to the edge again. Chakotay then took control, and in one fluid motion flipped them over. He thrusted in a quick steady rhythm, until she was screaming with her release. He joined her seconds after, in a explosive climax. He dropped down on the bed next to her, both of them breathing hard.

Enigma was still playing in the background as Kathryn and Chakotay were lying in each other’s arms, he with his eyes closed. Kathryn was humming the tune playing while watching her new lover. She caressed his tattoo.

-”I love you”, she said.

-”I love you too, he answered.

-”It feels so good to finally be able to say it out loud, and say it to you”, a lone tear of happiness ran down her cheek and hit his chest. He opened his eyes and looked right into her blue ones.

-”And I love hearing it, so anytime yo want to say it, I’ll listen.” Kathryn smiled.

-”You know, I’ve thought a lot about this relationship thing with someone serving under me, and I’ve always avoided it, because of all the problems it could involve,but right now, I don’t have a care in the world. I’m sure we can handle everything the universe can dish out.” Chakotay hugged her closer.

-”We’ve handled everything until now, and that’s been a lot” Kathryn nodded. She laid her head on his chest and closed her eyes. Chakotay stroked her hair.

-”I’ll buy you breakfast in the morning. Good night Kathryn”. She just mumbled something as she drifted of to sleep. Chakotay kissed her on the forehead and closed his eyes as well. For the moment everything was right with the universe.